BREAKING: AI Detects Actors Are Actually Saying Words That Are Written for Them!

A tongue-in-cheek story that’s more tongue than cheek — and you’ll taste the truth.

BREAKING: AI Detects Actors Are Actually Saying Words That Are Written for Them!
A tongue-in-cheek story that’s more tongue than cheek — and you’ll taste the truth.

Brace yourselves. This is breaking news.

The AI robots have finally done it. They’ve cracked the code. They’ve blown the whistle. They’ve exposed the greatest scandal in American history:

Actors… aren’t actually making up their lines.

I know. Take a moment. Breathe into a paper bag if necessary. Call a trusted friend. This is a lot to process.

Artificial intelligence — that glowing techno-oracle of our age — has discovered that humans have been using scripts, editors, and writers this whole time.

What’s next?

Will AI inform us that singers don’t always write their own lyrics? That politicians don’t craft their own speeches? That White House press statements aren’t written by the President in his pajamas at 3 a.m. with a No. 2 pencil and a dictionary?

Shocking. Unthinkable. Someone please fetch the smelling salts.